I went to the hospital to the chapel of rest to see James for the last time.I was so scared because of what happened.I didnt want to see him hurt or like he was in pain, I didnt want it to be true.I was ready really early, did my hair how I used to when we meet. I was hoping someone would tell me that it was a mistake, but the I was outside the room and there was no getting away for the truth now. I had to see him to be with him one last time to say everything I need to say.I had to set him free and tell him to go.To see he was gone and not in pain. I couldnt stop crying the whole time I was with him.He didnt look in pain he was so peacefull asleep but more. I sat on the chair next to him and told him everything I had to say and that I would be ok with the kids and he was to go and be with Jacob(our son I lost at 17weeks. I dont know how long I was there for but after a while I felt him get up nd come stand next to me I knw then it was ok to go myself, tho I wish I could have sat there forever.I stood up and kissed him once and my heart broke forever as I walked alway. I didnt know what at the time but something carried me home and sat holding me on the sofa while I cried for what seemed like hours.Then it carried me ot my daughter who was so pleased to see me. I now know it was James he left the hospital with me because I told him it was ok to be free. Later that day the police called to say they had some stuff out of James locker at work for me and they though it was inportant as James seem to have wanted me to have it.She brought me a latterand 2 photos of me and told me they were all pin to the inside of his locker on the door. The pictures he asked for ages ago and had told me they were next to the kids bed not in his locker.The letter in my eye was James way of telling me what he wanted to like I had earlyer that why I didnt get it til then.And it leave no question in my mind how he felt about me dispite everything.That letter said it all Thankyou James This is the ture soulmate last words when it should be inpossible.